


The Regina Mills Orphan Rescue Society

by LastVerse



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, and nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 19:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastVerse/pseuds/LastVerse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma gets a strange call concerning the former mayor of Storybrooke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on absolute foolishness on tumblr. Takes place somewhere mid S2, i think.

When Emma first got the call, she thought it was a joke. She was corrected quite harshly by the angry father on the other end. 

“This isn’t funny, Sheriff. That lunatic kidnapped my daughter.”

He hung up and Emma stood with the phone still at her ear for a second, confused.

David strolled in with coffee and bear claws. “What’s the matter? Lost boys try to blow up city hall again?”

“Emma blinked, and snapped back into consciousness. “No..”

David looked at her, frowing. “Then what?”

“Apparently,” she began, trying not to laugh at how absurd it sounded saying it out loud. “Regina has been prowling the school-“

He jumped up, looking like he was ready to draw his sword right then and there. “Does she have Henry? I swear-“

Emma raised a brow. “Are you gonna let me finish?:”

David nodded bashfully, lowering himself back into his chair.

“Apparently she’s been waiting when school lets out. And-” she bit her lip and took a breath before continuing. “She’s been kidnapping the children whose parents are late picking them up. And if the reports I've been getting today are any indication, she’s got an entire horde of kids over there.”

“You’re joking.”

“David. I had enough trouble getting her to let go of one child. Do you really think I would joke about having to do the same with fifteen?”

David’s eyes widened. “Fifteen? I’ll give her one thing, when she does something, she does it big.”

Crossing her arms, Emma glared at him “Glad you think it’s so funny, ‘cause you’re coming with me.”

David almost looked like he’s about to make an excuse to get out of accompanying her and Emma couldn't help but wonder how this is a man who slayed dragons. Multiple ones.  
Eventually the two of them hopped into the squad car and make their way to Mifflin Street, the ride uncomfortably quiet.

Emma knew better than to pull up to Regina’s house with her sirens blaring. From the outside, there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about 108 Mifflin. There was almost no indication that were are over a dozen schoolchildren being held captive here.

She got out of the car and turned around to make sure David is behind her. 

“For gods sake David, put your gun away. This isn’t CSI. Do you want to be blasted across her yard too?”

David frowned but tucked the gun back into the holster on his hip.

Emma knocked on the door, straining to hear any calls for help in the house. There was a low rumble, like the sound of voices, but Emma couldn't quite place it. Then… was that barking?

The door swung open to an irate Regina. “Yes, hello? Can I help you?” she snapped, stepping out and shutting the door behind her quickly.  
Emma raised a brow. “How about returning all the kids you've kidnapped this week?” 

“I don’t know what you-“

“Save it Regina,” David growled. 

Emma turned around and glared at him, shutting him up. She did like to pretend that the law enforcement in Storybrooke has some professionalism.

“I don’t know what misguided attempt at police work you think you-“

Just then the door opened behind her and a small terrier darted out, running circles around Emma’s legs before settling down on Regina’s foot. 

Then a small pair of hands wrapped itself around the door and a little girl tucked her head out. “Regina, do you have any more toofpicks? The boys took all of them and they’s sword fighting wif them.”

Regina’s face softened immediately as she turned and crouched down to the little girl. “Those are the only ones, Priya. But why don’t you go in there and tell the boys that I’ll be inside in 5 minutes and if they haven’t returned them by then they’ll be in big trouble. Okay?”

The girl nodded enthusiastically, and then said, “Scuff, come inside. Here boy.” Then both the girl and the dog disappeared inside the house.

When Regina turned around to face Emma, it was without a lick of shame on her face. “Well, they were abandoned by their parents. I couldn't just leave them on the streets, could I?”

Emma’s eyes widened. “Regina! Are you crazy? Their parents are looking for them!”

Regina crossed her arms, looking for all the world like a petulant child. “Well. They had their chance, and they blew it.”

Emma gritted her teeth, praying to the gods for the patience to deal with this. “I didn't sign up for this shit when i ran for sheriff ” she muttered under her breath.

“What was that, Miss Swan?”

Emma shook her head. “And when the hell did you get a dog?”

“That, Miss Swan is none of your business,” Regina sniffed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, we are baking cookies and I should really make sure none of them have poked out an eye or something. Good day, Emma. Give my worst to your mother.”

And with that, Regina walked back into the house, slamming the door shut behind her.


	2. The Regina Mill Puppy Rescue Society

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause it turns out I'd written a second part to this and never got around to posting it.

"In my defense, the children had been abandoned."

Emma dropped her head to the table and  groaned. "No, for the last time, Regina, none of the kids were abandoned."

Regina narrowed her eyes and leaned across the interrogation table. "Why were they standing all by themselves outside the school, hmm?"

"Regina, what the hell? You don't seriously believe they were abandoned, do you?"

"Where were their parents then?"

Emma stared at her, agape. "You are serious." 

Regina tilted her head slightly but didn't reply. 

Emma rolled her head up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Regina," she began slowly. "Are you telling me that you have never ever been late to pick Henry up from somewhere?"

Regina blinked. "Of course not."

"Regina that's-"

"Henry is- was my first priority, " Regina interrupted. " If something was going to prevent me from reaching him on time, it could wait." 

With that, Regina grabbed her bag and marched out of the station.

"She is telling the truth, you know," Ruby said as Emma left the interrogation room. 

"What?"

Ruby shrugged. "She walked out in the middle of a town meeting once, because Henry was done school."

Emma frowned, and then turned towards the door that Regina had just walked out of.

***  
Later that day she got a call to the station claiming that there were tortured screams coming from 108 Mifflin so she hopped into the cruiser and made her way back to the mansion. 

"Regina, what the hell?" 

For a second, Emma thought she might have walked into a fur coat- or rather, several. She blinked, and then rubbed her eyes. Nope, she wasn't seeing things. The study was in fact full of dogs. There was a pile of terrier puppies under the desk on a sea of pillows, the bottom shelf of the bookcase was occupied by a row of pugs on a thick comforter and stretched across the loveseat was a large greyhound.

 "Regina, there's a chupucabra on your couch."

Regina ignored her and lifted the front of the greyhound up gently so that she could sit down. Once she was settled, she rested the dogs head on her lap, scratching it absentmindedly. She gestured to the armchair across her and Emma sat, weary. 

"Okay, Regina, seriously. What the hell is this?" Emma asked, throwing her arms out. 

"Can you please keep your voice down? It's nap time."

"Nap- Nap time, Regina?" 

Regina looked at her, unperturbed. "Yes, they're growing puppies. They need rest."

"Regina, that dog on your lap looks like it'd be taller than you standing up. Where'd you even get so many from, anyway?"

"I got them for the children," Regina said, ignoring the question.

Emma's eyes widened. "Regina, you had 15 children. There are at least-" she stopped and tried to count the furry lumps scattered around the room. "-at least 30 dogs here."

Regina petted the dog's head before answering. "The original batch got lonely after the children left."

Emma's head dropped between her knees. "I don't get paid enough for this," she moaned. 

Regina frowned. "Paid for what? These dogs are mine. I adopted them legally. Ask your father."

***  
Charming at least had the decency to look ashamed when she asked him about the adoptions. 

"Did you not notice Regina walking out of here with 36 dogs?"

A blush crawls up Charming's ears. "She didn't even come in here. It was all little kids who picked the dogs up."

Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Were they by any chance the same children that were living with Regina not more than a week ago?"

"...Maybe."

"And you didn't check the name on the adoption papers."

"Ye-no." Charming shrugged. "They were just a bunch of cute little kids. And besides, there's no law saying she can't own 36 dogs."

Emma glared at him through narrowed eyes. 

"At least, I don't think so."


End file.
